I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
