Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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