I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Betty ford says i'm here all night
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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