Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Is it because I queefed?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
