he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
