I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
