it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
