and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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