I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
