I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize