Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
