The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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