I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
