PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
