I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
