There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
