also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
