I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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