my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Oh god it's open bar.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
