you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
