One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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