i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize