Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
