My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
