I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
