This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
