Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
