If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
