I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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