**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
