I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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