Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
