My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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