I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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