Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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