I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
