even my farts smell like vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
