And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
