booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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