The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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