his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
