when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
