Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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