For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
