Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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