I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
