dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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