Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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