try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
