Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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