Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
