Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He passed out mid-signature
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
