I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just gargled with NyQuil
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
