Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
