were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
