just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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