we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
