Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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