I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
