he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
