remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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