Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize