I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
