Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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