Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
