There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize